Monthly Archives: March 2008
Just took a break to eat ice-cream and write some reponses to the good advice my friends have given me.
My English paper that should be 4 to 5 pages long has become 10 pages and increasing. And worse still it has taken up most of my time because I had to do extensive research on the topic just to get higher marks. A here is so IMPOSSIBLE to get, because it needs 93.++++ to get an A. Mid-term exams are coming up as well. zzz….
Some people just refuse to be a little considerate and think from other’s position. Some people will just ram though their agenda no matter what casualties it might leave. Some people are just so full of themselves they think other people around exist for them alone.
How would you deal with these people? It would be easy to ignore them if they were not really related to you, but if they are your friends, and worse still, your finances are bound to their cooperation? I am able to survive here on an extremely tight budget partly because of the agreement we have made, and I would risk this rather favourable situation if we had a fallout.
I very familiar scene played out before me at the rehearsals, in rather different circumstances. Not much about the performance, but more about the people. A very sudden feeling of being back in my high school come to me, and I was absolutely petrified.
High school was not quite a happy place for me, after my primary school which is the place I hated the most. Only when unforeseen reasons forced me to stay back in my secondary school for Form 6 did I really feel alive. The years of my life before that was lived in unconciousness and stupidity, which I do not wish to recount here. I changed my attitude in my Form 6, and for once made myself some very good friends, whom I still cherish until today. But the days I had to go through being silent and a passive observer of norms existing around me were pain indeed. I must admit that I do not have the natural talent to connect with people, and to be able to just say ‘Hi’ to someone the next time I meet him is through my hard and sincere effort during the first meeting. But sometimes I am very tired of putting up a face. However, I am also fully aware that I am not that good looking to begin with, and others should be more tired than me puting up a face for me.
Half way through the rehearsal I felt that everyone acted about the same as my former secondary schoolmates, and society members. The logic and conduct from college was lost in this new environment, and weirdly resembled my high school. Maybe I should do more, be more open to others. Maybe I should be brave enough. Maybe I should care and think so much. Maybe I didn’t do all these in high school before so that’s why I floundered there.
Others seem to get along just fine, and they could make friends pretty fast. But while I tried to know them, I seem to be non-existent to them, a much too familiar role in high school, to be air. Certainly something moves in these waters that makes the trees different, I think for now I’ll be patiently waiting for the monster in the water to show its ugly head.
